Help Desk

Ring. Ring.

Oh what now. Carter picked up the phone. "Help desk." He kept his voice flat, a favorite trick of his that usually kept callers from being offended by how much they annoyed him.

"Yeah, hi." A muted voice crackled on the other end. "I was having problems with the database."

So spit it out already. "What seems to be the nature of your problem, sir?" he responded robotically.

"My computer kept hanging up whenever I tried to do a search by customer ID," the voice explained. "I called before, and they said they'd send a technician down."

"Did you do everything the technician asked you to do, sir?" Carter asked, trying to muster the patience to endure this guy's voice for another minute.

"Yeah," he said. "But now everything's just gone dark."

"Your computer screen?"

"No, just... everything," the voice explained. "Dark and kind of gross and slimy. And constricting."

Carter closed his eyes and put a hand to his temples. Deep breaths, Workman. Deep breaths get us through the day. Breathe in. Breathe out. "Just a moment sir," Carter said, his voice low and ominous. "I'll be there to straighten things out for you personally."

He SLAMMED the phone down, paying little mind to the other people at the help desk who turned to stare, worry or annoyance in their eyes. Slamming feels good. Visceral release. He rose to his feet and stalked out of the room, passing people who shrank away from his fury.

It was a long walk to data processing -- nearly two minutes. He was half afraid that he'd cool down in the time it took to get there, that the rage he'd built up would work out of his system from the physical activity, that he wouldn't have the necessary energy left to properly explode.

Eyes peeked from around the cube dividers as he passed, like scared rabbits hiding from a stalking wolf. They were lucky.

They weren't his prey.

He stepped into a smallish cube without hesitation. It was mostly taken up by an enormous earth-toned python who was curled up on and around the desk and chair. There was a large bulge in his body -- roughly six feet long -- between the desk and the wall. His gaze was fixed on a game of Spider Solitaire on the computer monitor which he manipulated with the end of his tail. A telephone cord hung from his mouth like a spaghetti noodle.

"Percy!"

The snake hiccupped, startled, and the phone cord retracted, pulling the receiver out of his mouth, where it flew briefly through space and dangled over the edge of the desk. He looked up at Carter, fear in his eyes.

"That's three times," Carter said coldly.

Percy shrank back like he was afraid of being hit. "Sir, I'm sorry..." he protested meekly.

"We send you here when our employees are complaining about problems with their systems," Carter growled through clenched teeth. "When the help desk receives a call, we need to make sure it won't happen again."

Percy's coils shifted, but he was too entangled to hide himself under the desk. And he probably wouldn't have fit anyway. "I can explain everything..."

"If you eat them while they're still holding the phone then they're just going to keep calling us back!" Carter bellowed.

Percy winced. "Mr. Workman..."

"You're terminated, effective immediately," Carter hissed. "You have five minutes to leave the premises."

Slowly, numbly, the snake disentangled himself from the office furniture and slunk from the cube, pausing only to burp, disgorging a single shoe into a waste basket he passed by.