How Foxes Got Their Tails

Once upon a time, foxes didn't have tails at all, and wolves were always doing them up the ass, and there was very little a fox could do to keep them from getting away with it.

One day, a fox named Brian took it up the ass from a particularly well-endowed wolf, and decided that enough was enough. So he journeyed to the very center of the forest to ask the help of a wise old owl who lived there.

"Mr. Owl," Brian said, "You have to help me. The wolves fuck me every chance they get, and I don't think my poor tailhole can take much more."

The owl thought about this. "Well it seems," he said at last, "That what you need is something that could cover your tailhole up."

"Like a tail?" Brian suggested.

The owl nodded. "Yes, that should just about work."

So the owl took a beautiful orange tail that he had hanging in his closet, and he sewed it to Brian's ass with a piece of thick, black thread so that it wouldn't come off. And when he saw how it looked, he saw that he was the handsomest fox in the whole world.

Unfortunately, this only made the wolves want to fuck him more than ever, and they loved holding his tail by the root and pulling it up so they could get their dicks in him. But all of the other foxes thought he looked so handsome that they decided to get tails of their own, and that's why foxes have their tails.

Help Desk

Ring. Ring.

Oh what now. Carter picked up the phone. "Help desk." He kept his voice flat, a favorite trick of his that usually kept callers from being offended by how much they annoyed him.

"Yeah, hi." A muted voice crackled on the other end. "I was having problems with the database."

So spit it out already. "What seems to be the nature of your problem, sir?" he responded robotically.

"My computer kept hanging up whenever I tried to do a search by customer ID," the voice explained. "I called before, and they said they'd send a technician down."

"Did you do everything the technician asked you to do, sir?" Carter asked, trying to muster the patience to endure this guy's voice for another minute.

"Yeah," he said. "But now everything's just gone dark."

"Your computer screen?"

"No, just... everything," the voice explained. "Dark and kind of gross and slimy. And constricting."

Carter closed his eyes and put a hand to his temples. Deep breaths, Workman. Deep breaths get us through the day. Breathe in. Breathe out. "Just a moment sir," Carter said, his voice low and ominous. "I'll be there to straighten things out for you personally."

He SLAMMED the phone down, paying little mind to the other people at the help desk who turned to stare, worry or annoyance in their eyes. Slamming feels good. Visceral release. He rose to his feet and stalked out of the room, passing people who shrank away from his fury.

It was a long walk to data processing -- nearly two minutes. He was half afraid that he'd cool down in the time it took to get there, that the rage he'd built up would work out of his system from the physical activity, that he wouldn't have the necessary energy left to properly explode.

Eyes peeked from around the cube dividers as he passed, like scared rabbits hiding from a stalking wolf. They were lucky.

They weren't his prey.

He stepped into a smallish cube without hesitation. It was mostly taken up by an enormous earth-toned python who was curled up on and around the desk and chair. There was a large bulge in his body -- roughly six feet long -- between the desk and the wall. His gaze was fixed on a game of Spider Solitaire on the computer monitor which he manipulated with the end of his tail. A telephone cord hung from his mouth like a spaghetti noodle.

"Percy!"

The snake hiccupped, startled, and the phone cord retracted, pulling the receiver out of his mouth, where it flew briefly through space and dangled over the edge of the desk. He looked up at Carter, fear in his eyes.

"That's three times," Carter said coldly.

Percy shrank back like he was afraid of being hit. "Sir, I'm sorry..." he protested meekly.

"We send you here when our employees are complaining about problems with their systems," Carter growled through clenched teeth. "When the help desk receives a call, we need to make sure it won't happen again."

Percy's coils shifted, but he was too entangled to hide himself under the desk. And he probably wouldn't have fit anyway. "I can explain everything..."

"If you eat them while they're still holding the phone then they're just going to keep calling us back!" Carter bellowed.

Percy winced. "Mr. Workman..."

"You're terminated, effective immediately," Carter hissed. "You have five minutes to leave the premises."

Slowly, numbly, the snake disentangled himself from the office furniture and slunk from the cube, pausing only to burp, disgorging a single shoe into a waste basket he passed by.

Werewolf in a Condo

We sat in Dave's living room, munching on pizza, watching TV, bouncing back and forth between little scraps of conversation. He must have realized I was a little nervous. Maybe a little embarassed. It seemed like I'd known him forever. We'd always been been best friends, able to talk about anything or nothing for hours on end.

Tonight was different. I was pretty sure he felt it too.

He'd been glancing out the window anxiously every few minutes or so. His voice had gotten a little louder, and he was grinning from ear to ear, like a little kid who knew his favorite Christmas present was coming.

At last, he casually noted, "It should be dark enough out. Are you ready?"

"Guess so," I said, heart pounding in my throat.

He stood up, unbuckled his pants, and started to strip down to nothing in front of me. I reflexively averted my eyes. I wasn't offended or anything, it was just... odd seeing him like that.

He seemed to get a kick out of my modesty. "If a little bare butt scares you off, I hate to see what you're going to do when I go wolf," he teased, piling his clothes on a nearby armchair.

"So when's it going to happen?" I asked.

"As soon as I step outside," he explained. "I have to be standing outside under the full moon to get the full exposure. Then it lasts until I go outside under the full sun."

"And if it's cloudy out or something?"

He grinned. "Well, then I have to call in sick until it clears up."

Dave hadn't told anyone that he was a werewolf, not for the three years that he'd been one. No one except for me. He'd never been the kind of person who was good at keeping a secret. He'd been a bragger and a showoff ever since high school. It must have killed him to keep this all to himself. Still, I guess the threat of imprisonment or extermination was enough to keep his lips shut.

But he had to tell me. Had to. He'd been a little nervous about it. Wasn't sure how I'd react.

Heh.

I'd told him that I had to see it for myself.

"Well, c'mon," he said impatiently. "Right this way."

He led me through the sliding glass door to his balcony, five stories up, overlooking the condominium complex. I would have felt a little self-conscious, standing naked overlooking a public place like that, but if Dave had any shame, he kept it well hidden. But I saw that he had little reason to worry. It was a beautiful night, warm enough for a barbeque and very clear, but not a soul was outside. I could see lit windows everywhere -- people staying inside and watching television or surfing the web.

Missing something amazing.

Dave grabbed the hand railing and closed his eyes, looking relaxed. The change came on slowly, excrutiatingly slowly. It was like watching paint dry or grass grow -- to stand there staring at him like I was, you couldn't tell that anything was happening, but turn away for a minute, and you could see how much had changed when you turned back.

The hair all over his body grew in thicker. At first it was all black, like on his head, but the color slowly started to shift as well -- dark gray here, white there, with little patches of brown. His fingernails lengthened, hardened, solidified into dull claws. A tail extended from his butt, swelling up puffy and soft. His face grew longer, his lips and nose faded to black. His ears slowly inched their way up to the top of his head, growing to points.

The process took twenty minutes. His physique stayed the same, but I noticed that he was slightly taller. When he opened his eyes, they had the large, green irises of a wolf. He looked at me, and his lips curled, showing off a mouthful of canine teeth.

And suddenly, I felt myself go very cold. He growled low in his throat and took a step toward me. Stalking posture. I was suddenly afraid that this had been a very, very bad idea. Without thinking, I backed up to the guard rail. Stupid! There was nowhere else to go from there except a five story drop, and now Dave was between me and the door.

I could see him hunching up, tensing to strike. With a ferocious bark, I felt his weight hit me. I threw up my arms and screamed. Powerful paws pushed my arms away from my face, his muzzle descended on me...

... And I got the puppylicking of a lifetime.

"Ack! Thhppt!" My world became drool and dog breath. I scrunched my face up tight, trying to keep the slobber out of my eyes and mouth. The only thing that saved me was when Dave started laughing uncontrollably.

"Real funny," I said indignantly.

"Oh come on," he grinned. "You expected me to just pass up a chance like that?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Yeah," he beamed, bottomlessly pleased with himself, tail wagging. "If I'd known you would react like that, I would've shown you this years ago."

He put his nose up suddenly and turned his gaze attentively to the box of pizza we'd left open on the coffee table in his living room.

"Hey!" he suggested. "Let's go inside for a minute."

He attacked the last of the pizza with ravenous, unapologetic appetite and I watched, somewhere between fascination and horror. "The change always makes me hungry," he explained, smacking marinara sauce off his lips with a broad, floppy tongue.

"You don't ever eat people or anything though, right?" I asked, trying to make it sound like a joke and not a request to reassure my safety.

"Nah," he said. "I never eat any living things. Well... no, I take that back. The first time I changed, I ate something."

I tried not to look too worried. "Oh? What happened?"

Dave settled down into his chair. It was amazing how much he still looked like himself through the canine features. I could still see, clear as day, the light in his eyes, that look on his face whenever he starts to tell a joke or a story. As if he was turning into an actor, ready to put on a show.

"Well. It was the first full moon since I'd contracted lycanthropy. I went out on the balcony there to try and change. But you saw how long it takes. I was out for about a minute before I decided nothing was going to happen.

"So I went inside to watch TV. It's about five minutes later when I start to feel uncomfortable around my butt. I was still wearing my pants, and my tail was getting all jammed up!

"I got out of my clothes as quick as I could. Freaked out a little. I wasn't sure how much of me there would still be, if you know what I mean. I was half afraid I was just going to go completely wolf and start tearing my own place up or something.

"There were about five times when I was sure the changes had stopped, but there was still just a little bit more to it. But it was nice when it was over. I mean, I looked myself over in the mirror, I was very happy with how it looked, but it also felt pretty nice. I was a little more aggressive, maybe. Mostly I was just completely jazzed.

"I was right here when it happened." He nodded to a bookshelf against the facing wall. "My gerbil, Ralph, saw the whole thing."

I took a look at the empty gerbil enclosure. I had a sinking feeling about the direction this was taking.

"Stared straight at me the entire time," Dave said. "Didn't go hide in his cube, didn't race off into his tube trail, just sat there and stared at me the entire time.

"So I opened up his cage, reached in, and pulled him out. No real reason, just seemed like something to do. I lay down on the couch, and he curled up on my chest, and I was petting him. Just like I always did. He wasn't scared, didn't try to run or anything, just sat there looking up at me.

"And then he slowly, slowly started to crawl up my chest. I kept my hand near him, but he never tried to make a break for it or anything, just... walked right up until he was nose to nose with me."

I went wide-eyed. "No."

Dave nodded enthusiastically. He was many things, but he wasn't a liar. "Swear to God. I thought that was so awesome, this cute, little, defenseless rodent just walks right up to my mouth. So, you know, I figured I'd give him a little scare. Opened my mouth and growled at him. You know what he does?"

"What?"

Dave curled his hands up, mimicing a small rodent. "He put his tiny little paws right up on my teeth, stretched his head waaaaaaaaaay into my mouth, and started sniffing around. I swear, I could feel his quick little breaths all over my tongue."

"So you shoved him in your mouth?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I tried to grab him, and he bolted inside."

"Oh no."

"I thought he was going to run right down my throat and choke me," Dave explained. "So I closed my mouth to hold him still. He calmed right down, and I could feel him breathing, HEHhuhHEHhuhHEHhuh, against my tongue. So I opened my mouth a little bit to try and pull him out, but as soon as the pressure lets up a little, he starts crawling further in again!"

"Oh wow."

"So it was a stalemate. I sat there with Ralph in my mouth for a long time. I could feel him wiggling around in there, just moving his head around, but he never tried to claw his way out or anything. I moved him around with my tongue, tried to work him back to the front, you know? But he struggled against it every inch."

Dave grinned, "It gave me the weirdest feeling. Just kind of peaceful, sitting there with my pet gerbil in my mouth. I know it sounds crazy, but it almost felt like we were making some sort of basic connection. I mean... we had a pet/owner relationship, but I'd always sort of felt like he could take me or leave me. All of a sudden, it was like we just... fit together." He laughed. "That's not too weird, is it?"

"Of course not," I said, smiling nervously.

He nodded. "So I decided to eat him. Just a little bit at a time, I let him wriggle into the back of my throat until I was sure it wasn't going to choke me. My gullet's a lot wider as a wolf -- he just slurped right down." He grinned smugly, holding up his hands to indicate a gerbil-sized shape. "Lump this big. Swallowed him all at once."

I nodded non-committally.

"I guess I should feel bad about it," he mused. "I mean, he was my pet and all. I'd promised to care for him. He'd trusted me. Then again, maybe it was just his time. We parted as friends." He scratched his belly. "Nicer to think of him in here than buried in a shoebox in the back yard.

"But I didn't get any pets again after that. Felt like I'd crossed a line. I didn't want to go there again."

I nodded. "Never ate anything living after that then?"

"You know me," he grinned. "I'm not the hunting type."

"Do you think you would?" I asked. "If something tried to jump in your mouth again, would you want to swallow it?"

He grinned at me. "Why? Are you volunteering?"

I laughed. "No, of course not."

Not yet.